Balanced Relationships - Greater than the Sum of All Parts

By Lori Lines

​Everything is energy, the emotions this article elicits, the thoughts it invokes. Your energy is an amalgamation of all the subtle energies you are made up of. Have you ever noticed that your annoying neighbor or irritating co-worker always seems to find you when you are having a bad day? That is because universal order is based in part on like attracting like. We naturally attract the energies we manifest.
 
Polarity is another universal law. The balance of oppositional forces is represented by light and dark, yin and yang, feminine and masculine, positive and negative. Within each of us exists light and shadow. Enlightenment is realized not in the absence of our shadows but when our light illuminates all that exists within them.

Spiritual growth is not a linear, quantifiable path. Viewing energy as a spectrum, some people's energy is more burdened by their darkness (lower vibrational frequency).  In contrast, other people's energy is elevated by their light (higher vibrational frequency).

Every interpersonal dynamic, platonic or romantic, has its own energy. It is the sum of both parties' energy. When two people who radiate more light are paired up, we admire their connection – "two peas in a pod," "meant to be," "soulmates." When two people who generate more darkness come together, we often dissent – "misery loves company," "match made in hell."
 
Then there are relationships when opposite energies attract and a positive vibration is entwined with a negative one – "toxic," "enabling," "codependent." Think back to when you or someone you know was in such a relationship. Do you recall watching the "positive" person becoming increasingly focused on the "negative" person's wellbeing? Did their energy fade? Did their spark diminish? That's because the person filled with light was being pulled down into the other person's darkness.
 
It's important to remember neither party is inherently good or bad based on this dynamic. We often glorify people who are self-sacrificing as heroic, compassionate, and kind. In turn, we paint people with lower vibrations as malevolent, "energy vampires," and "toxic."  It is the dynamic that is toxic. What many don't realize is this type of dynamic is damaging to both people. It's as dysfunctional to pour all your light into someone else's darkness as it is to allow another's light to chase your shadows. It deters from your higher purpose by either distracting from your growth or undermining the need for growth altogether.
 
While it may be easier to spot imbalances in others' relationships, there are some hallmarks you can look for in your own relationships. Does the relationship leave you feeling increasingly run down? Has your own growth become stagnant? Do you find yourself reverting to unhealthy, unserving mindsets or behaviors? Do you maintain this relationship out of love and affinity or concern over how the other party will fare without you?

 It's never too late to become aware of these unserving dynamics and regain balance! We often feel a commitment to people based on how long they've been in our lives. "I've known her since grade school," "we have been together for 10 years". The calendar is not always a good measure for a good, balanced relationship. It's about how people show up within the relationship dynamic, whether you've known them 50 years or three months, doesn't really matter.  Ask yourself, if a food you have eaten since you were a child was making you sick, would you keep eating it because you had been doing so your whole life?  What if you found a new food? Whenever you ate it, you felt satiated, refreshed, and nourished. Would you disregard it because you only knew of it for a brief time? That's because what matters most is how good it made you feel. Relationships are the same. The length of the relationship is not important. What is essential is how well it nourishes both parties' spiritual bodies, serving the greater good.
  
If you find yourself in a chronically imbalanced dynamic, it's imperative to set boundaries. Focus on boundaries that make yourself a priority again, that stymie the energy vortex you have unknowingly been sucked into, and clearly delineate where your energy ends, and theirs begins. If someone refuses to honor these energetic boundaries, you may consider cutting them loose so they can no longer serve as an anchor that prevents you from taking flight on the wings of change.
 
It isn't a complicated relational perspective. When you break it down, the principles are founded in simple math; a negative will always diminish a positive, and the sum of two positives is always greater than the parts!

In love and truth,
Lori Lines

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