By Lori Lines

Projection is the subconscious act of transferring your own unwanted traits, emotions, and behaviors on to someone else.  Projective identification, sometimes referred to as projection as well, is the subconscious act of taking feelings from one interpersonal, connection, situation, or relationship and place it on to an unrelated one.  Finally, externalization is when we blame others for our circumstances and problems, falsely assuming a victim mentality.

It can all seem a little confusing to someone who isn't familiar with these terms, so here are a few examples.  An example of projection is feeling bad about not giving your all at work.  Subconsciously you feel guilty that you've been disinterested and unfocused at work.  Instead of assuming responsibility for not giving your all, you lash out at a blameless co-worker for being lazy and inconsiderate for not doing their fair share.  You took your negative feelings and placed them on your co-worker.

An example of projective identification is having left a relationship where you were undervalued and felt unheard, and you go to a skilled therapist and counselor.  You get frustrated with the therapist because they never hear you and often treat you with a lack of respect, unconsciously painting them with the same brush as your ex.

An example of externalization would be poor money management and thoughtless spending having you in a financial crunch.  Instead of assuming responsibility for your carelessness, you blame your innocent partner for always suggesting expensive activities.

Now that you know what these terms are, you may ask why we do them.  They are coping mechanisms to help us deal with uncomfortable and unwelcome emotional and mental experiences.   The above are examples of maladaptive coping.  There are different reasons why we engage in these particular maladaptive coping techniques.  They can be a means to avoid shame and damage to the ego-self.  Some people are trying to prevent fearful or unpredictable outcomes.  For others, it is merely a consequence of trying to block these unwanted thoughts, feelings, or behaviors out of their mind.  By deciding not to think about them, our quirky brains focus on them even more.  We have all engaged in this type of coping at some point in our lives, they are unconscious mechanisms after all, but a chronic or contentious tendency towards projection and blame can be very damaging to others, our relationships, and our spiritual path.

As I'm sure you can imagine, when someone is projected upon or blamed when they are not guilty of the perceived offense, it can damage their self-esteem and self-worth, if they choose to take it on.  Over time, when someone is met with a constant barrage of projection, it can build a toxic shame within them.  This toxicity can spill over into all areas of life.  This is why it is essential to consider and shape our interactions, our reactions with empathy and compassion.

The truth is, the avoidance of negative thoughts, feelings, and behaviors thwart our own healing and spiritual growth.  We cannot walk in the light if we don't first acknowledge and accept the dark or shadow components of our past and who we are.  If we project that which is undesirable in us onto others, we never get the chance to open it to the light and to correct ourselves.  By projecting and blaming, we damage our sense of empowerment, our strength, and our self-worth.  We assume the role of victim and, by doing so, we cease striving to surmount our challenges and our traumas so that we can move forward in our lives in a healthy way.

Finally, the path to enlightenment is one of love, love of the self and love of others.  When we project and blame, it is a victimization and a rejection of who we really are, there is no room for self-love in this chronic pattern of denying our truth.  Also, as mentioned, by casting unwarranted guilt on others, we can do damage to their spirit, which wrongfully impacts their path and their ability to fulfill their purpose, love cannot be sustained in this circumstance, either.

Psychological projection, projective identity, and blame all stem from judgments.  Judgements of ourselves that are manifested as judgments projected onto others.  The first step in breaking the toxic pattern of maladaptive projective coping is to release judgment.  The ego-self is sustained by judgments, when you can observe your thoughts, your feelings, and your behaviors with awareness, and without judgment, you are on the path to negative ego-death and enlightenment.

It is exciting to see a trend in my QHHT practice that many of my clients are beginning to recognize, and to take responsibility for,  their own role when they are projecting their own wounds into situations and relationships. As the article states, we all do this from time-to-time, but when it becomes a habit of deflecting the underlying issues, projection can take a very dysfunctional turn.

This trend is showing me that the collective is allowing these underlying wounds to float up to the surface so that we can finally have the opportunity to deal with these shadow parts of ourselves in order to finally make the changes needed and put them to rest.

In love and truth,
​Lori Lines

By Lori Lines

Sometimes we meet someone, and there is an instant and intense magnetism.  Occasionally, this magnetism is more than just attraction and immediate rapport.  This may have happened to you already, or you could be in the throws of attraction right now.  These connections can become relationships that begin with sheer bliss, love bombing, and a wonderful sense of innocence but then they sometimes end in shattering heartbreak.  If you have experienced heartache such as this, you may be surprised to know it turned out exactly how you planned it!

This instantaneous, powerful pull we feel toward someone may mean we are experiencing a karmic connection. This is also known as a soul contract or agreement.  It is a commitment we made on the Other Side to teach/help one another achieve a certain level of enlightenment and spiritual awakening.  Whether or not each person chooses to go within and take the lesson for what it is is up to each relationship participant.

There are specific telltale signs that help identify a karmic connection.  The first was already discussed as an intense, undeniable draw toward a person at first sight.  This immense allure is followed by a honeymoon period of happiness, delight and attachment.  Afterward, the intensity of emotion and connection to that person will remain, but, more often than not, the passion's fire may become too hot to handle.  These relationships are recognized by how challenging, frustrating, and rocky they can be.  The highs are high, and the lows are the pits!

If we are observant and aware, throughout these highs and lows, we will notice the same issues will keep presenting themselves, perhaps under a different cover or in a different relationship, but the insult usually adds to the same injury again and again.
Whether we need to learn self-love, self-worth, humility, empowerment, or to release what no longer serves us, we will keep being pulled through the relationship tests and patterns until we have learned the original lesson we are meant to learn about ourselves.

Another telltale sign of a karmic connection are all the mixed emotions and angst we feel while in relationship to another.  "I love them; I can't stand them,"  "I'm done; I can't walk away."  Karmic connections are full of interpersonal and intra-personal conflict as well as compatibility.  That is because our spirit doesn't feel right walking away (the pull) before the lesson is learned, but it is quite painful to have to keep reliving the same hurts, which can be quite confusing especially if there is a level of compatibility.  Until the karmic contract is fulfilled, and the lessons are learned, we will always feel like we have unfinished business that will weigh on us until our spirit deems it's finished.

According to the Vedic philosophies, there are seven relationship types.  Each relationship type corresponds to one of the seven primary chakras.  Relationships relating to the lower chakras, the root, the sacral, and the solar plexus are full of challenges and result in more unhappiness than the higher chakras.  As such, karmic connections often arise when one needs to heal the lower chakras.

The root chakra represents our sense of security, stability, and provision.  Root chakra relationships are wrought with issues of the unhealthy ego, jealousy, insecurity, and survival.  The emotional instability within one or both partners leads to intense highs and lows in the relationship bringing up selfishness, and emotional barriers. Karmic connections that are intended to heal the root chakra are meant to teach us inner balance, the ability to provide for the self, and the need to develop a secure sense of belonging within...regardless if the relationship is meant to be healed or not.

The sacral chakra is our pleasure center.  It is the home to our creativity, our passion, our emotions, and our desire for creature comforts.  Karmic sacral chakra relationships are laden with issues surrounding selfishness, greed, self-preservation and worry.  The self-serving nature of one or both partners leads to alienation, self-centeredness, obsessiveness, compulsion and a lack of passion and balance. These karmic connections that are designed to heal the sacral chakra are meant to foster emotional maturity, empathy, patience, and an appreciation for life's pleasures.

The solar plexus chakra is what feeds our self-worth and our self-confidence.  Solar plexus connections are generally the happiest of the lower chakra relationships, though these connections are not without trials.  These karmic connections are affected by issues surrounding shallowness, false appearances, lack of authenticity and the desire for admiration.  The lack of humility and a compulsive need to keep up appearances (even when the relationship has outlasted itself) can lead to a tendency toward "one-upmanship" and an absence of partnership equality.  Ultimately, resentment and anger can develop if there is a perception of being held back or outshined.  Karmic connections designed to heal the solar plexus chakra are meant to foster a stable sense of self-worth, personal integrity, motivation for higher purposes, and responsibility for one's own fate.

A cosmic spiritual love and a deeply spiritual purpose of enlightenment is what brings karmic partners together.  In my own past life regressions, I was able to experience and witness a life-between-life where a very intense karmic connection and I were planning this current life to be intensely drawn together for the shared purpose to incite triggers and provide opportunity to heal ourselves, within, after the relationship was sabotaged.  The challenges that presented themselves in the relationship caused me to learn very painful lessons that I chose to acknowledge and to transcend.  Though the physical loss of the eternal spiritual partner can be devastating in this lifetime, it does not mean karmic relationships should last.  In the end, the polarities of energies will reveal themselves, and just as the two were magnetized to one another, they can also be repelled. It is rare, in one lifetime, for these partners to return and fully integrate into a physical spiritual partnership, unless both find themselves on the same page of enlightenment, learned through their individual experiences,  at a later time.  

I often go back to the memory my regression provided, with my spiritual attachment, at our time of planning. I remember his presence and our cosmic conversation while we were in the ethereal realm,  and I feel such a satisfying love that his soul provided me to feel within myself. There is no greater sacrifice of the self and for the other, to incite such transformative pain. And, after the pain is transcended, when the uncovering of that spiritual truth of love is felt once again, there's nothing greater or more satisfying when you know you've passed the test.  The test leading to experience oneself as fully whole and balanced without the same triggers that the partner once incited. There is no greater love, between souls, such as this.

The danger of the karmic connection is to cling to the familiarity, the intensity, and at times, the codependency. As heartbreaking as it can be, know when it is time to walk away.  It's important to do so in peace, knowing you and your karmic connection share such a profound sacred love that you decided it was a journey worth traveling and a loss worth enduring for the sake of mutual enlightenment.

In love and truth,
​Lori Lines

By Lori Lines

Entering the realm of higher consciousness is  spoken about with positive intentions, however, the spiritual journey of expanding consciousness can be gritty and painful as we are bombarded with truth about the way we have been living under a type of spell or dream in an unconscious way.  

Of course, we are not aware we've been living in a dream world until we experience a series of catalysts that wake us up. Some of us wake up like a bandaid ripped off, exposing our wounds, while we are left to deal with the aftermath of pain, disappointments, guilt, remorse, fear, and even depression. It is where the dark night of the soul can enter, encountered with our darker side, where exposure of traumas and fears are commonly felt.

Some of us wake up over a period of time and its subtleties are barely perceptible when one day, we are compelled to look back at our life progress and see, really see, how we have evolved from where we began to where we are now in our souls evolution. 

Suffice it to say that waking up is a journey to a new reality that's based in truth we've never perceived before. And, when that time comes, those who are near and dear to us may or may not be on that same path as this new reality we suddenly find ourselves living.

To be supported and encouraged by those we love and trust would be a wonderful aid in the process of waking up, yet you may find yourself feeling alone and isolated. At this crucial time in one's spiritual evolution, one may feel judged and mocked by those once thought would champion you.  In fact, this is very common.  Yet, this sense of isolation can be a side-effect and a further catalyst for awakening.  However, all is not lost.  Interpersonal relationships can still be navigated during awakening, once we come to understand and accept certain principles.

One principle is you will lose people.  People come into our lives for a variety of reasons. Even close friends may decide your notions, your belief systems and your new paradigms to be too "far fetched" for them.  They may even determine that you aren't the person they have come to know.  Or, as you ascertain new truths that change your vibrational frequency, you may decide that they no longer resonate with you and, sadly, may have to let them go.  

Once you accept that everyone is responsible for their own spiritual journey, even if they do not understand you or they haven't figured out they are on one yet, you will be more at peace when others walk away, eventually.

Another perspective you may want to consider is that you aren't here to change anyone's mind.  When we try to do this, it becomes a waste of energy, especially when others are not ready to hear you out.  Some people that seemed so reasonable before you began awakening, suddenly judge you or dig in their heels when you try to express yourself while their paradigms are challenged.  There will be people who will be dismissive and disagreeable no matter what you have to say. And, you know what? That is OK!

My suggestion is not to argue with people who are committed to disagreeing with you or who are committed to misunderstanding you. Because they will. Believe me. In no longer attempting to sway others to your new way of thinking is not spiritual bypassing; this is acknowledging that it is not your duty to change a closed mind.  There will be people who will be open to have these discussions with you, to open to hearing what you have to say, all the while checking into their own triggers. And if there is not, then it's not time...even more reason to go within, to journal, to meditate, to explore your new reality on certain matters, and to connect to your newly-found higher consciousness.

An important distinction to make is your spiritual itinerary is your own. It does not need to align with anyone else's until you have integrated your newly found self and have become more confident in who you have become.  As you expand your consciousness, coming to new realizations and connecting the figurative dots like never before, you will want to share the invigorating and revitalization energy with those close to you!  But, I would not recommend it unsolicited.  Not everyone has the same timetable of spiritual awakening.  You could present frightening ideas, that challenge another's reality and their ego.  This doesn't make these people unevolved or "lesser-than," it simply isn't their time. And, it may never be their time.  I always try to err on the side of being respectful of that.

What's important to remember is you are not alone.  Even if your friends and family don't see eye-to-eye with you, there are people and communities that you can become a part of when you are ready, there is spiritual literature you can read and mentors you can learn from.  Just be prudent and discerning of the information you ingest and the people you trust, as during a spiritual awakening process one can feel disoriented, vulnerable and unclear, therefore, one might attract those whose vibration is the same, rendering them to be untrustworthy in the long-term.  And, it must be said, that not every philosophy warrants credence.  

There are a lot of credible, loving people who may not have experienced your unique journey but have experienced the highs and lows of spiritual awakening, when they, too, felt alone.  Your journey is as unique and personal as you are, yet it is communal.  Know that many people have walked a path of awakening that have become self-realized and even more enlightened. Those are the people to seek out, of course, with an eye toward discernment.  And rest in the knowing that the collective consciousness is awakening overall.  

In love and truth,
Lori 

PS: If you are suffering in isolation during your awakening and for tips on how to navigate these challenging times, I'm here to help. To make an appointment, click below:

By Lori Lines

 Many clients mention the yearning for connection with like-minded people because, in this age of social media, political divisiveness, and information overload, we are disconnected more than ever. But that doesn't have to be the case, if one is open and willing to put down the smartphones, close down their laptops, and take responsibility for making a few changes. 

Several years ago I moved back to my hometown after being gone for several years. Though there were still a few people I knew from my old school days, I had grown in a different direction and I didn't have much in common with most of them anymore.

After settling in, I decided it was time to find my soul tribe of like-minded individuals. I attended a few meet-up groups before I settled in on one. From that point on, I met a few wonderful, like-minded folks that have become a core soul-group...these people have been there through thick and thin and I feel so blessed to have them in my life.

Attracting our soul group is an important part of the journey to accessing inner peace and a more productive and joy-filled life.  Finding that group of individuals who truly "get" us can completely enrich our lives.  

What I've learned is by understanding who you are and sharing similar values and beliefs helps ensure that you will be able to speak for hours and enjoy your connections.

While finding them can be challenging, here are some tips to help you attract your soul group and enjoy a more satisfying life:

• Know you want it:  If you are looking for your soul group, then you need to put it out there, take some action and let the Universe know that you are looking for a change.  If you understand and believe your tribe is out there waiting for you then you will discover them or they will discover you! I always go by the theory that what you want, wants you. So, go to places and do things that interest YOU.

• Make room in your life for new:  Sometimes it's necessary to let go of people and things that, for some reason or another, weigh us down. Take an honest look at your life. Is there someone or something pulling at your energy that is a source of aggravation?  Have you outgrown certain people or situations? Do you hoard physical and emotional remnants of past loves and friends that are no longer? Is there enough time and energy to give to new friends and new adventures? Sometimes we have to let go and clear the emotional, physical, energetic clutter in our lives to make the space for new. Letting go does not mean you can't like or love them anymore. Letting go does not diminish anything or anyone, it just means you are moving forward in your life.

• Be Authentic. Meaning, be comfortable with YOU:  This may take some work before you get out there and take action. Before your people can discover the real you, you need to know who you are and to be comfortable with who that is.  Be happy with the way you look, embrace your personality, know your worth. Also, can you BE what you are looking for in another? If so, you are ready.

• Careful of the ego:  While you do need to embrace and love yourself, it is important to keep your ego in check.  To find your soul group, it's important to understand how you belong and can work together as equals with other people. Since I'm innately shy, I've trained myself to remember that if I feel uncomfortable, the other person is probably just like me, blurring that sense of separateness that can get in the way of getting to know someone special. 

• Don't Judge:  This can be hard for some.  Just as we should keep our ego in check, we should not judge other people based on superficial matters such as what they are wearing, what kind of work they do, or what their hair looks like.  By looking only at superficial matters, we are missing out on who they are, their personality, and the energy that can be reciprocated in friendship. Discern, don't judge.

• Be proactive:  Once you have found your soul tribe, keep in touch and make an effort to get together on occasion.  You will know when you've found the right fit, so make sure to set regular meet-ups; staying in contact will only boost the benefits for you and for them.

• Know that it takes time to find the right fit and it's OK. Don't despair if you are not attracting what you want just yet. As a friend once told me, "sometimes you have to tell the Universe 'no' enough times to hone in on what is right for you."

​
By the way, if you are interested in going deeper into understanding your relationships, you might want to schedule an intuitive guidance appointment with me so we can delve into specifics. 

In love and truth,

Lori Lines

By Lori Lines

As I awaken spiritually, I've come to observe that many people have misconceptions about what equality in a relationship is. Some think equality means matching every little thing that one gives another such as the expectation that if one puts a quarter in a shared jar, the other is expected to put a quarter in that same jar, for example. When both place their quarters in the jar, the perception is both are being equal.  This is an unrealistic expectation where relationships are concerned. This is not what is meant by equality.  In reality, equality in a relationship means balance.  A balance of energy exchange and effort that is meaningful for both parties involved.

So, how do we get to a point of balance in a relationship?  

It begins with the self first.  It's about finding your own sense of value and worthiness, within yourself, and knowing what that is and being able to communicate it to your partner.  When we understand who we are we have a sense of our own worth and therefore, anything our partner (who also knows their value and who they really are) gives has meaning for the good of the relationship.  It's as if you stand in your true self saying, "this is who I am and this is what I offer" and then authentically BEING what you offer. It's a place of meeting toe-to-toe and eye-to-eye.  This is balance.

No longer will it work to seek for love that is so unapologetically contrived in our society. True love exists in the time and space of being who we really are and the only way we are actively being who we really are is when we are standing in the presence of ourselves - because being in the present moment is being in a space of love. 

It is the only way true love can be expressed for when we are standing in presence, love will use us to experience itself. Deep?  I know, but it's true.

Now, more than ever, we are encouraged to let go of anything we believe to be true and just be present.  Meaning, in allowing life to live you, life will become much easier because in each moment, we are reborn and we tune in to a very enlightened state of be-ing.

Being who you really are (love) is a constant stripping away of the beliefs of what you think you are.  Think about it.

Wishing you many blessings as you practice presence,

Lori Lines

By Lori Lines

Over the last year, I have noticed something. I'm not really sure what to call it.  It's not a trend, for that implies it's not been there before. Let's suffice it to say I woke up to it recently.  

I have a few friends, colleagues, and acquaintances.  More of which I've been in contact lately because of the many spiritual and physical changes that have been manifesting in my life.  With that said, when normally speaking to friends, colleagues, and acquaintances about the issues of the day, I noticed some (not all!)  speaking at me instead of listening and speaking to me.  I realized I would throw out a sentence or two, barely able to complete the thought, when it would trigger one to run with it, assuming all kinds of stories and attaching their own filtered meanings and judgments to what I had to say. 

This has, in the past, left me feeling abandoned, holding the bag, wondering, "what just happened?"

I would then stop, wait for them to finish as their rhetoric continued on and on and on.  As I was allowing them the floor, and searching for the opportunity to get my word in edgewise, I could feel my energy draining from my whole being as their dialogue was morphing into their own problems, their own internal chaos spewing, their own perceptions projected onto the issues (now forgotten) I brought up that exist in my own life.  To an empath, the absorption of all this energy can be heavy and transmuting it can be cumbersome to say the least.

In my world, there is truth in the quote by Stephen R. Covey, "Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” 

Which begs the question, "where have I done this to others?" Yes, I have done this! And, I can remember specific times I've done so.  I have awakened, thank you very much, Universe!

As I continue to practice mindfulness (the art of staying present) these types of issues come to the surface. I have noticed so much that has not been seen or felt before as truth begins to seep out from all over the place. One thing is for sure, this mindfulness thing really works as I realize there's less need to complain or to commiserate with others when things are not quite going the way I might like them to go.

I have found, when I settle into my deepening connection to the still and quiet places within and listen, it knows and speaks the truth.  And, the more I listen, a gentle calm cradles me. I am now less inclined to participate in the soul-stealing idle drama of chatter (that has diverted me from so much) as the practice of presence has allowed me to maintain my connection as an extension to my higher-self.  I love watching meaningful moments unfold with my clients rather than trying to have a ready-made answer for them. The best anyone can do is to share their wisdom without attachment to whether the other understands or takes the lesson. When one is ready.

This, my friends, is where the good stuff is. This is the energy I conserve for my clients who are serious about their own awakening times. 

​And as I write that, I'm thinking, perhaps, things are progressing just the way they are intended.

Wishing you love, blessings, and peace.

Lori Lines