Setting and Invoking Boundaries

By Lori Lines

"No, is a complete sentence," but we may write the rest of that sentence differently. Some people hear "no" as personal rejection, others as a challenge, and thankfully some view it for what it is, a boundary. Setting boundaries is a necessary part of spiritual wellness. When we set boundaries within our interpersonal dynamics, we are not only showing others how to treat us and respect us; we are reaffirming our own sense of self and self-worth.
 
The first step of setting healthy boundaries is letting go of the guilt! Asserting your needs isn't selfish or mean-spirited. People who would have you believe it is are typically those who benefit the most from your lack of boundaries. Everyone is responsible for our own spiritual growth and self-actualization. It is Divine ordinance. When we put the wants of another before our own needs, we compromise our higher purpose. Just as we are advised when we fly to put on our own oxygen mask before assisting others, we must tend to our own healing before contributing to the healing of others.
 
While it is never too late to set boundaries, it is never too soon either! We often set limits once we're frustrated and angry about having our unexpressed boundaries trampled on. Setting a boundary is an act of love and respect for yourself and others. Boundaries set in anger often fail to be clearly expressed or manifest the highest good. When we are frustrated and resentful, we often use our boundaries defensively, building walls instead of fences.
 
Asserting boundaries necessitates a proactive approach. One must be clear about our boundaries, articulating them confidently. Feeling mad or sad after the fact because "they should've known better" doesn't serve anyone. Making assumptions about what the other person knows about your needs is like expecting the waiter to bring you what you want to eat before you order. By clearly expressing your needs and limitations, you are honoring yourself and empowering others to respect and love you in the most gratifying manner.
 
If your boundaries are not respected, you must take action! Just as you would not tolerate someone walking through your front door uninvited, you don't have to put up with those who infringe on you emotionally or spiritually. When this happens, assert your boundaries again, trying your best to clarify what you are asking for. Remember, it may feel as though you are speaking another language for those who have grown accustomed to poor boundaries in childhood or relationships. They may be willing to learn but struggle with the concept.
 
Then there are those who will be unwilling and resistant to the process. These people may simply be too wounded to want to honor you. Keep in mind some people meet their ego needs by pushing boundaries, assuaging themselves with a skewed sense of power or special status. When people repeatedly violate your boundaries, they are willing to jeopardize the relationship, and there must be consequences. Even if it means removing them from your life, you are responsible for fostering a nourishing, loving environment for yourself that promotes growth.
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Never forget, if someone reacts negatively to the assertion of your boundaries, it is a powerful confirmation of just how necessary those boundaries are! View boundaries as a blueprint for a strong foundation from which you can build healthy relationships and a pinnacle from which you can ascend.

In love and truth,
Lori Lines

PS. If you would like to explore boundary issues, make an appointment with me to help navigate through your relationships by learning more about how to specifically set and invoke boundaries to bring you and your loved ones in harmony.

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