By Lori Lines
"Why does this always happen to me?" "How do I always attract the wrong people?" "Why me?!" Most of us have either heard or have even said something like this at some point in our romantic lives. Our tendency is to blame bad luck or the "losers" we meet when things go south in our relationships.
Just because we do it doesn't make it right! To find the love, devotion, and unity we seek in healthy relationships, we must challenge ourselves to consider our role and the underpinnings of our belief systems, that drive us, in what went wrong. In other words, we need to examine what we did, or the energy we brought to the relationship to begin with, to cause the undesirable effects.
Asking yourself what role you played in the distrust, betrayal, frustration, disconnection, or ultimate breakdown of your relationship is a hard question to ask when it is framed in a way that is self-deprecating and guilt-ridden. It doesn't have to be this way. By asking yourself why you have chosen a sequence of cheaters, ignored red flags, didn't speak up when a boundary was crossed, or keep being drawn to the "work-in-progress" type, you will gain self-knowledge and empowerment, breaking these toxic cycles.
It can be a hard pill to swallow, yet we manifest an undesirable reality when we lack self-awareness. By allowing unserving belief systems and world views framed by trauma and heartache to go unchecked, unhealed, and unchanged, we end up with the same adverse results. Yet, when we understand the causal role we play, we are empowered to choose a different path, assume a different perspective, and choose different actions. By engaging in shadow work, release work, and accepting appropriate accountability, we can release the past, achieve a higher perspective, overcoming our self-imposed limitations and the confines of our comfort zones.
The issue with comfort zones is they are made to fit where we were, not where we are going. Remaining within our comfort zones leaves us doing the same things, with the same people or archetypes, in the same ways, limiting our spiritual growth and personal development. When we enmesh ourselves in situations or connections with a lower vibration than our own, they inevitably pull down our vibration. This drains our energy and creates stagnation. When we find connections and circumstances that match our vibration, we are uplifted, the shared energy is amplified.
It's important to trust that we will find the right connections and not begin desperately seeking them. Desperation is a bullet train to disempowerment. When we convince ourselves we need a partner as a source of love, well-being or affirmation outside of who we are, we give away our power. We ignore red flags, settle for less, and sacrifice pieces of our personhood because we are so distressed over the thought of being alone.
We must remember, we can be whole and happy alone. In fact, we must find inner completion and contentment before we can be part of a healthy relationship. When we cling to another for personal fulfillment, the result is neither will be fulfilled. No one other than you can validate, affirm, or complete your existence, meaning you will be unfulfilled, and so will your partner when faced with a task where success is unattainable.
Accountability is crucial in this instance as well. We must assume responsibility for our personal development, happiness, and sense of completion. This is foundational to self-actualization, empowerment, and well-being, yet there are also secondary benefits. When you are at one and at peace with yourself, you will be more attractive, particularly to like-minded individuals. No more low-vibrational energy drainers! Relationships where two complete individuals who love themselves and accept accountability for their lives unsurprisingly foster more growth, happiness, devotion, and fulfillment. Because these two people are not trying to make gains from a deficit, they are building up from a solid foundation on which to grow.
Too many people look at love as something to acquire, retain, and exchange, like a possession. Love is actually a state of being and a way of relating to each other and the world. As they say, love is a verb. Without action, it is merely a word. It is a series of behaviors, communicating, nurturing, supporting, connecting, trusting…
Of all the things we must do to love, trusting is vital. We've all been hurt. No matter the depth, the manner, or how long it's been since it occurred, these hurts can linger. Our hearts are like bruised or broken limbs. Even after the bruises have healed, we are sometimes still defensive and protective of them. We project judgment on to those who want to be in our lives, finding fault and making them wrong in order to protect ourselves. Memories of the pain linger and as they do so, we project our own wounds onto people, until we look within and completely heal ourselves and take accountability for our own sabotage. Yet to be in love, we must move beyond the fear of being hurt and be willing to stretch out of our comfort zones.
While we may not be able to forget, we must be willing to trust. As we embrace our vulnerability, the ego that rejects accountability, refuses change, and finds refuge in casting blame, is silenced. Vulnerability softens your heart, allowing love to flow inward and outward, a life-giving wellspring. Of course, there are risks in opening your heart to the potentiality of hurt and pain, but the reward of learning to first trust yourself is well worth the inner work!
In love and truth,
PS. Through hypnosis, we can explore and help with relationship issues including but not limited to:
Bringing love into your life
Fear of Abandonment
Co-dependency to Independence
Ending A Relationship
Forgetting or letting go of an Ex-Love
To book a phone, Zoom or in-person appointment click here:
Author Lori Lines
Disclaimer: Lori is a high-level channel. The information contained on this site is intended for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for advice, diagnosis or treatment by a licensed physician. You should seek prompt medical care for any health issues and consult your doctor before using alternative medicine or making a change to your regimen.