Would you Lie for Love?

By Lori Lines

It's amazing how many readings I do for those who are in relationships where there is conflict.  That’s why many people call me.  All relationships come with some kind of compromise but staying true to yourself is something no one should have to sacrifice if the core of the relationship is that of unconditional love and acceptance of who we are individually and as a unit. For those clients, I would like to share a little something I’ve learned about staying true to yourself.

Now, staying true to yourself is different than the act of stubbornness. Stubbornness is that place where we go when we succumb to our ego defenses. Being stubborn is all about the ego’s need to be right which can be destructive in relationships. What I’m talking about here is staying connected and centered, within yourself and within the framework of your own integrity, in a way that you just know deep in your soul you are doing the right thing for yourself. It’s after careful consideration of future consequences and overlooking the short term gains for the long-term positive potential.

Recently I was reminded that even if you stay true to yourself and you stay in your own integrity within a relationship, there’s still the possibility of a sacrifice. For me, that sacrifice was the loss of a very important relationship with someone who asked me to lie for them and when I felt I could not do so, I discovered they had a very different opinion of what loyalty means, and they bailed out on our relationship.

What is loyalty?

Lying to cover for someone else so they can look good to others is a very serious matter and it is not a sign of loyalty. It is lying.  And, lying is a sacrifice of the self.  It is enabling the other person to continue their negative behavior. We already know lying leads to more lies to cover up the last ones, which is what I was asked to do. The more we hedge the truth, the more we lose who we really are and eventually our soul purpose. This begs the question: If someone asks you to lie for them, at your own expense, will they lie to you? Certainly.

Loyalty in relationships is where two or more people agree on a course of action even if, in the short term, the consequences may become uncomfortable. Loyalty is knowing that regardless of that action, you know you are loved unconditionally and that everyone involved is supportive of one another, no matter what the ultimate outcome.

What’s next?

I will usually tell my clients who find themselves at a similar crossroads, that if their integrity is compromised for the sake of the relationship, they need to look at the long-term consequences and ask themselves, “Why do I want to stay in a relationship with someone who is attempting to control how I conduct myself?” And, “Am I compromising myself if I don’t tell the truth?” If so, “What are the consequences for me?” Trust me. The truth comes out eventually.

Many clients tell me they’ve made a commitment to the relationship, through thick and thin, and “’til death do us part,” which is good. I’m all for it! However, when the compromises are such that we are unable to sustain a sense of well-being within ourselves or within the relationship for the sake of someone else, then we are sacrificing ourselves and are less empowered to be who we really are.

Can there be compromise?

Sure! Compromises are made in relationships all the time. This is when you ask yourself, “If I compromise, am I doing this willingly, out of love, and within my sense of integrity?” If the answer is yes, then go ahead and compromise. Healthy relationships are based on respect, unconditional love, and acceptance of the self as well as the other. Even if there are a few arguments along the way.

Staying true to yourself and having integrity are sure signs that you are on the right path to authentic happiness. If your current partner is unwilling to walk alongside you, respect your integrity, and they choose to stay stuck in their own personal drama, there are other people out there that will align with you.

A healthy relationship is a commitment to endeavor balance by respecting the self, first, while openly and honestly communicating with one another where you stand on a regular basis. 

© Lori Lines, 2012

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